After I wrote my last post, all about Black Friday Deals etc. I had the purest of intentions to come back and write posts all about Christmas, my plans, give you all gift guides…but what can I say? The inspiration never hit, the month flew by, life was insane, and more. If I’m being honest, I have felt utterly burned out. Burned out from work, social media, social obligations, attempts at dating, training for my half…everything has felt like “too much”. With that said, I decided to rest. Fully enjoy the holidays and not beat myself up for simply not having the energy. Ya know? I think if there is any time/month of the year where it is more “appropriate” to feel this way, December is the month for it.
After 2 weeks of rest, time with family, time to assess this year, I am really looking forward to 2023. A fresh slate! For someone with an anxiety disorder, it is only natural to enter into a new year with a smidge of anxiety. Aka fear of the unknown, fear of what this year could/will bring. I can’t help but be a little anxious for 2023, but that’s only natural! (at least for someone like me). A new year full of possibilities, new opportunities, (possibly) new destinations, new relationships, new memories made is really exciting at the end of the day!
2022 started off on such a weird note for me. After avoiding covid for 2 years, I contracted omicron and was incredibly sick for 2 weeks. Talking 102 degree fever sick — it wasn’t pretty. I then returned back to work and was promptly let go because I couldn’t keep up my work load while having covid. If you think this sounds illegal *ding ding ding!*…IT IS. I felt humiliated — after all I left LA and moved across the country for this job!! After many calls and meetings with employment lawyers, I realized that while I was ashamed for being fired, God was actually delivering me out of a toxic/abusive environment that I didn’t have the courage or wherewithal to leave on my own. Now, almost a year later, I thank God every single day that I no longer work in that environment.
It would be dishonest to say that the firing didn’t effect me in a deep way. For a while my depression deepened and my view of the world/myself darkened. But by the grace of God, once the end of February rolled around, I had decided a new course of action. I opened my own LLC! My plan was to work with businesses as a social media consultant/website consultant + I wanted to add my photography business and modeling work to the business model as well. In March I set up at my very FIRST art show where I sold prints of my work! It was exhausting, challenging, and so much fun. Will I do it again? …..stay tuned on that for now. After that I traveled to Utah for a week full of modeling jobs! Such an incredible week that taught me even more about the modeling industry, which subsequently made me fall more in love with it. I turned 28, and just a few weeks later a job prospect fell into my lap. On a whim I applied for a job that seemed to fit my skills, only to interview for it a week later and be hired right after. There were so many “Ok God…I don’t know what’s happening but I am going to trust you in this” moments. Before May rolled around, I accepted the job and closed my (very short lived) LLC. Some of you might ask why I didn’t keep it open, well fun fact, having your own business is EXPENSIVE. I am STILL paying for certain legal expenses from just those few months it was open. Serious life lesson right there!
During the Summer I adopted my aussiedoodle Winnie, I traveled to Mexico for the first time, settled more into my job, moved into a brand new house, took a week off and worked at my old summer camp (so much fun), and got used to being a dog mom (aka no longer sleeping in…ever).
This past Fall really flew by. I feel like I really came into my own at my job during this season, I ended up leaving my church when I realized it was no longer a fit for me (more on this another time), and I started to train for the half marathon!
I also had a LOT of dating heartbreak this year. I faced rejection after rejection. I was stood up not once, but TWICE. I was ghosted, and even assaulted. My faith and trust in men really took a hit this year. I caught myself thinking of love and romance as utter bulls***, a total lie, something I would never have. It took therapy and time with God for me to realize that romance (if meant for me) will happen when it’s in God’s plan. Might sound insanely cliché, but for me I’ve come to a point in my life where I am handing it to Jesus. I am throwing up my hands and asking Jesus to take this for me, to take it off my back. I feel a lot of passion and I’ve learned a lot of lessons when it comes to dating — especially in the South as a Christian. I hope to write more posts on this in the new year.
When I think about 2022, the word that comes to mind is “resilience”. We all know that every year has its hardships, but I feel since 2020, those hardships can sometimes feel heavier or bear more weight. I think we can all agree that since 2019, time has just felt off. These years seem to drag on and fly by at the same time. It’s so weird! I’m ready to start another year that gets us further and further away from 2020.
When I think back on 2022, I am proud of how much I have overcome, the ways I stayed strong through times of deep hurt, the courage and drive I demonstrated trying new ventures, the ways I trusted God even in the moments where it felt near impossible to give up control. No year, no month, no day, is ever going to be the same. And when I take the time to look back on a year, the main thing I want to feel is pride. I want to be proud of myself for taking on another year, for spending another year on this earth seeking out the joy, the love, and the magnificence of life.
I’m not one that necessarily likes to set resolutions for a new year. Instead I like to set up goals and visions for what I hope the year brings. For 2023, my main goal is health. To seek healthy routines/habits that will enhance and improve my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Sounds vague I know, but if I were to dive into those each, this blog might be 10 pages long and I don’t have time for that! I hope for 2023, I make lifelong memories. I want to see new places, experience new things, challenge the way I see and view the world! I’m welcoming 2023 with open arms, ready for what it has to teach me. Ready and waiting for what God is going to show me this year! It’s a time of complete possibility, and I cannot imagine anything more exciting!
Cheers to you, cheers to me, and cheers to 2023! Happy New Year friends, may this be your best one yet. See you in 2023!