It finally happened. Like out of a movie, I was stood up.
I met him on Bumble, a 30 year old guy in commercial real estate who was funny, kind, and smart. We chatted back and forth for hours, and made plans on Saturday night for a Tuesday night date at a local wine bar. We agreed to meet at 7pm and joked about what we were going to wear to impress each other.
Monday night rolled around, and when I hadn’t heard from him, I texted him
7:35pm on Monday night
Me: “Hey! How’s your day been?”
Him: no reply
10:30am on Tuesday morning
Me: “Hi, just checking to see if we’re still on for tonight?”
Him: no reply
I knew it in my gut too. I felt that I was going to be ghosted, stood up, whatever you want to call it. His constant replies had stopped by Sunday night and I felt that fear inside that he wasn’t interested anymore.
By 5pm on Tuesday I called it. He was gone. Like a true ghost in the night, as fast as he appeared…he disappeared.
This isn’t the first time this has happened, but this time I wasn’t going to take this without standing up for myself so at 5:30pm I messaged him:
Me: “I’m taking your silence as an indication that you don’t have any interest in going on a date with me. Why you offered and came up with a plan just to not follow through makes no sense. You should know that this is not how you treat someone. It is cowardly and not ok.”
At 6pm I checked Bumble and saw he had deleted his profile. *eye roll*
What do you do in this type of situation? Do you go home, watch a sad movie and cry? Do you talk it over with your friends and dwell on if you did something wrong? Well you could do those things but I don’t recommend them. Let me tell you what I did.
As a woman who has been ghosted, rejected, told her body was funny, you would think that another rejection like this would just send me into a spiral, but NO. I am OVER letting men, nah BOYS, determine how I am going to feel about myself. I will not let them treat me like this and ruin my night
Around 4pm when I felt in my gut that the boy wasn’t going to show up I texted my girlfriends and asked them to go with me to the same wine bar I was supposed to have the date at. We agreed to have a girls night!
I dressed up in the same outfit I was going to wear for my date, I went to Freddy’s a local wine bar here in Birmingham with my best friend, and we ordered a cheese board with glasses of wine. We sat and talked, we laughed, we talked about men can be absolute trash (ok not all men), and laughed some more. After spending the day with internal turmoil about how I had been rejected once again, I spent the evening feeling great. After all this time, with my personal growth where it is, I spent the evening having a wonderful evening where I ended up feeling better about myself than I had when the day started. See the thing is, I feel sorry for men that ghost, that stand people up, that can’t show up. I know his standing me up/ghosting has NOTHING to do with me. It is all him. Knowing that and believing that gives me more confidence to continue on into the wilderness of dating.
But that doesn’t mean I won’t listen to a “Men Suck” spotify playlist one more time ;).